As humans we are wired to come up with quick solutions. We know when to run from danger, how to take shelter from a raging storm and how to re-set our phone when our favourite social media app locks up. This innate capability is so powerful it ensures that even when we don’t know the answer, we have an opinion.
Michael Bungay Stanier, a leading coach and leadership trainer calls our ability to come up with quick solutions the “Advice Monster”. His 15 minute Ted Talk “How to Tame Your Advice Monster” is a must see for anyone interested in knowing how excited other people are to receive their advice. Bungay Stanier explains that as soon as our Advice Monster kicks into action it blocks us from engaging and actively listening. We become so focused on waiting for the opportunity to speak and share our wisdom that we disengage from the conversation.
Our Advice Monsters convince us that our advice is very high value so the sooner we share it the better. However, there are three main reasons why this is generally not true.
- We solve the wrong problem because the first issue someone brings up is rarely the real issue.
- Your advice is not as good as you think it is because your cognitive biases prevent you from seeing the full picture from multiple perspectives without significant focus and effort.
- The people receiving your advice get the message that they are not capable of solving the problem themselves. This disempowers them and lowers their confidence.
Bungay Stanier goes on to explain that there are three personas that can come into play when your Advice Monster is leading your thoughts.
- The only way you add value is to have all the answers. This is common challenge for people transitioning from being an expert to being a leader.
- You are a Rescuer / Saver. If anyone struggles you fail.
- Control it. You need to maintain control to avoid failure – also a common challenge for people transitioning from being an expert to being a leader.
The way to tame your Advice Monster is by staying curious a little bit longer and feeding that curiosity through open ended questions like: What’s real challenge here for you? And what else? What do you want? Essentially dig deeper to understand more – act like a coach and you will keep your Advice Monster in check.
